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[05 Apr 2004|10:20pm] |
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im lost with out u..... blink 182 |
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why do i keep trying....? these last 3 days i dont know i must have a bad luck spell i dont think i have possbile cried this much or felt this much pain sence me and my ex broke up well uh that was alot of pain... i feel kinda lost really and its the shittiest feeling ever... its hard to belive that all of this is caused by just one person.. and its just b/c that one person is in my heart.. and it doesnt want to let go.... its like a big knife wond that doesnt wany to heel..... if only i cant make them see how much this is hurting me and not just that lil bit i hurt them i want them to understand that i destroyed more trust in my self then i did with them.....
dont fuckin give up u give up way to easy!!! and u need to stop!
ok i cant even finish this.......
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| ?????? |
[05 Apr 2004|04:33pm] |
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im lost with out u -- blink 182 |
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ur supose to be my best friend! ur sopose to help keep me from getting hurt not help cause it! ur supose to help me find love not take it away from me.... i hope that appreated me! i hope i was the bestest friend u have ever had i hope someday u will miss me when im gone! i gave u every thing a friend could possible give u... but most of all i gave up some thing for u that meant more then life its self to me... i gave up the next closest thing i ever had to caring about somebody... i tore out my heart and steped on just so u could be happy... and i hope u are now i hope ur the happiest girl in the whole world.. b/c im not i gave all that up just for u !!!!!! i dont care what ne one says i cant get over this one at least i dont want tooo...
my life is distroyed just to make ur a better place.....
i dont wanna go on now.... i wanna stop right here b/c theres no other pain that could hurt this much!!!
</3 kailey......................
my heart bleeds for u!!!
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| im still sorry |
[05 Apr 2004|12:10pm] |
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u should have know -monica |
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ok well seeing how i think ur still mad at me im gonna write in here everyday just to tell u how sorry i am... until u forgive me.. i feel way bad for eveything that went on and im very very sorry.....if theres anyting i could do for u i would do it if theres anything i could say to make it better i would say it! u may not see it but i really do care about u alot other wise i wouldnt being doing all this for u to forgive me! ur the sweetiest and most caring guy i have ever met and i dont want to lose somthing that could have been over something so stupid that happened b/c of me i know i made alot of wrong choices that night like by not talkin to u when i saw u b/c i was scared and by not finding ur number to call u.. im soo sorry and if i could live that day over trust me that would have worked out way different. and please dont ever think that i didnt want to hang out with u b/c thats not true at all!!! all week long i was looking forward to that night i was all excited i had the perfect clothes picked out and eveything.... it was gonna be great just u and me ! and im sorry agian for all of that just please try to understand how sorry i am and how much i care about u and please dont think that im trying to just cause some bull shit drama when its not like that all when i tell u i like u i mean it im not just trying to lead u on or anything like that at all i really really have feelings for u!so please forgive me this is all coming strait from my heart soo please dont think other wise im sorry!...........IM REALLY REALLY SORRY!
if only i could go back in time
i would make it soo much better
</3
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[04 Apr 2004|06:10pm] |
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leave get out - jo jo |
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Watching every motion
In my foolish lover's game
On this endless ocean
Finally lovers know no shame
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion
As you turn around and say
My love
Take my breath away
Take my breath away
Watching I keep waiting
Still anticipating love
Never hesitating
To become the fated ones
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion
As you turn to me and say
Take my breath away
Take my breath away
Through the hourglass I saw you
In time you slipped away
When the mirror crashed I called you
And turned to hear you say
If only for today
I am unafraid
Take my breath away
Take my breath away
Watching everything motion
In this foolish lovers game
Haunted by the notion
Somewhere there's a love in flames
Turning and returning
To some secret place inside
Watching in slow motion
As you turn my way and say
Take my breath away
Take my breath away
i wished u would have.....................?
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[03 Apr 2004|11:06pm] |
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i dont wanna know- mario / pdiddy |
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IM SOOOOO SORRY!
<3
if i could take this all back i would trust me i fucked it some how i know i did and let me tell u how sorry i am...i always manage to fuck somthing up and lose something i want and really need.......................................... :*(
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| wtf happend!!! |
[31 Mar 2004|02:57pm] |
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all of this - blink-182 |
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... u know this pack week has been pretty good shits been going way well and i have been way happy and least i thought i was.. and its weird like in the last two days so many people have been askin me if im doing ok b/c i dont talk much any more and i was like yea im soo great i coulnt be better and i thought that way way weird but who knows maybe i just want to be happen soo thats why i think i am i dont know its just welrd today and yesterday were soo shity but i was happy like i was but wasnt who knows i found out one of my good freiends is moving and its shitty im gonna miss that goo soo much and i hope he does ok b.c wee he hasnt had the best life but i love him and and hope shit gets way better for him soo that made me way sad and i dont know today i was in 7th hour and out of no where i got yelled at like bad and i have this thing that i get scared when people yell at me (long story has to do with my family dont ask) but yea soo i started to ball my eyes b/c i was getting yelled i just couldnt stop crying for the life of me and i have no idea why either it was crazy a whole buch of shit was running threw my head and what not it was scary oh well thought i just cryed ALOT soo yea that was my poopy ness i just had to write but really im not depressed im a happy one i just wish shit was a lil bit easier or something like that
ps.> Im so lost im barly here
i wish i could explain myself but..
words escape me
its to late to save me
you're too late
you're too late!!!!
<3
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| a NUGS DANK please!!! lol |
[29 Mar 2004|09:43pm] |
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how forever feels........ |
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...........hmmmmmmmmm MOST DEFF i had the best day well kinda no i did.. hmm well started off as a normal day went to school and learned new shizzneet.. YUP YUP.... ok well that was fun lol any ways.....
best part of my day my best buddy ever who i havnt talked to in a while came over and we chilled and i was happy of course it was lisa O!!!! i love that chick ok still not to the best part oki doki here it is!!!i went to cheba hut with BLAKE!!! hmm by far no one can beat that ok i dont care what u say u cant beat that.. thats boy is by far the greatest... hes just wonderfull i have the biggest crush on him. and well i want him too know that sooo BLAKE I HAVE A CRUSH ON U OK?!!!
ok well yea soo soo i really hope i get to chill more with him b/c
hes way tight and well it could be fun i know what i mean well
yes i hope maybe he responds to that soo yea... ok well think
i have to go now!
<3 kailey...................
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| ok im UPDATEING!!!!!! |
[28 Mar 2004|04:43pm] |
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better dayz -OPM |
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ok well im updating real quick befor i go to work b/c someone special asked me too... soo alright not to much has been going on... lifes life and i deal with it just like everyone else..... hmm im doing kinda been sence the last time i wrote in here but then agian i have been making changes for my self.. im not all to worrie about friend or boys much its kinda just about me and work and school right not... im trying to keep all my grades up too i can get out of school maybe even early.... i cant wait to go to COOKING school soo i can be doing something i really love too do and not have to worrie about much.. i just kinda keep to my self now i and its kinda working for me but at times i miss doing the whole party real hard and get wasted thing but o well right right hmm well i guess i have to be going to work soon soo ill write more when i get home! soo hmm buh bye
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| happy............. |
[06 Mar 2004|08:52pm] |
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toxic >brittany spears |
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oh man well today was going wat shitty with me being grounded and all u know.. well yea soo i just layed around all day look like 3 showeres b/c i got bored and wanted the time to fly by fast ah well soo my dad left too go work on a project and well lets just say a special someone came over to have out with me when my dad was gone... it was soo GREAT i wanted to see them like all week but i couldnt b.c i was grounded! and i wouldnt have got to seem them till tomorrrow.. but i was soo excited that that someone stoped by it made me too happy too just chill and talk to them WOW i soo cant WAIT till tomorrow now itrs gonna be soo great to hang out with them...wow i just wanna go to sleep right now soo tomorow comes faster....
ok well i have too go b/c i waiting for a PHONE CALL>>>;)
<3 Kailey
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| THIS sucks...... |
[06 Mar 2004|02:02pm] |
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behinde blue eyes >limp bizkit |
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ah man its been a way long 2 days.... this soo sucks im grounded and well my moms out of town soo i have been stuck at home with my dad for the last too days and i hate it.. im soo bored like last night all i did was stay in my room and listen to music alex called and that was a puls..... hes way cool too talk too..... ah well something way werid has beeing going on with my in school on friday out of no where i got the wired pain and didnt think much of it but then after a while it didnt go away and was bugging me way more and i wanted to go home but i couldnt soo then whatever.. but then this moring when i woke up it was back and higher up like in my lungs it was killing me it hurt soo bad and it kinda still is.. but me and my dad were all ready to go to the drag racer and i just like fell i couldnt walk it hurt soo bad he wanted to take me to the ER but i was all like no i hate going to doctors soo i just layed down and fell alseep but i dont know what it is and it hurts a whole shit load i hope it justs goes away...
hmmm well i really want this day to go by fast b/c im really looking forward to sunday..... its gonna be so much fun i get to hang out with someone who i havent wanted to for a lil while now and i hope it goes well im soo excited and i owe it all to my BEST chelsea.. sooo thanx u sweet thing i love u babe... and i kinda miss ya shit seems kinda weird like in the last week or too.. but im sorry if i did ne thing or what not bit i love u and always will we should hang out when u get back on sunday.... :)yup yup well im gonna go be bored some more ill prolly write agian later b/c i just have nothin at all too doo oh well!
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| eh? |
[26 Feb 2004|10:08pm] |
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just to see u smile >tim mcgraw |
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-oh well same ol' bullshit as everyday life sucks... for im soo sick of school its not even funny... im just soo sick of shit thats goes on... i wish it wasnt like this i wish all us people didnt have to be suck fuckin ass wholes! man its soo gay im sick of seing my friend crying.. and im sick of crying im sick of being stronge.. i just wanna break down but i wont i will be there till the end for her.. b/c the most important thing to me is that she makes it threw soo i will be strong for her even if its breakin me down inside... i wish we werent allowed to treat people that way it just seems soo wrong to me!I DONT FUCKIN LIKE SEEING HER HURT!
its killing me too see u this way babe and im sorry... u have no idea how much i wish i could just take ur pain away from u and just put it on me thast all that matters to me is that ur ok thats all i want is too see u smile agian no matter how much i hurt and want to break down i wont not even a lil im gonna be STONG for u untill ur not hurting any more! u shouldnt be treated this way its not heathly not one should i hate this seeing u like this is fucking killing me b/c i dont even know what to do im just soo lost and i hate it b/c i want u too be ok AHHHHHH im gonna get u threw this please be strong! I LOVE U!
i just dont know any more......
its just all getting so hard.............. :(
<3 you >kailey
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| hmm........ |
[25 Feb 2004|06:58pm] |
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i miss u >blink 182 |
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oh man so latly yea i have been talkin to an old friend and its just great... we used to be way tight but for somereason we got in to a big fight and never talked agian it was kinda well way shitty.. but yea any way we have been talkin alot more lately b/c he has been callin me and its kinda way cool... but yea hes just soo tight... well any way i hate school and people at it
i really found out who my true friends out and well its kinda sad i dont have much well really very lil its such i just dont understand wtf the whole drama shit is about i dont like it and dont need it but fuck girls r dumb. whatever im not gonna talk to any one any more
i really just dont care if i have friends or not b/c none of them r ture any way ill prolly be better off to my self any way... it just sucks i swear i thought i was almost gonna die the other day it was soo bad i couldnt breath at all ... i just layed down on the bathroom floor crying and trying to cacth my breath..... shitty how life is ah well im trying to get by and let me tell u its a bumppy ride! well yea i just feel like listen to musicand just crying........
thoughts in my head
- i have feelings for some one agian that i used to have a while ago.....
- i miss him
- and i miss her too
- its all lost now
well i have to go bye
<3 kailey
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| lala la.... |
[22 Feb 2004|08:02pm] |
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mood |
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i miss u > blink 182 |
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........hmm well shit the weekend was a GAY one didnt do much b/c i wasnt really up too it... friday i hung out with john and erin but then she got mad at me for who knows what this time but whatever she has her lil boyfriend to run too like always b/c hes the only thing that maters..... well then i went and chilled with billy the rest of the night which was a blast hes soo fun too just chill with... : )oh well but shit all weekend me and rikki were trying to get a hold of r friend chris and we never fuckin did lol it was soo funny though ......... lol ne way saterday was cool kinda b/c i got to chill with RIKKI shes soo effin funny but then i dont even know what happened my minds all fucked and i started to think about shit and i just lost it i really think i need something who knows ah well doesnt matter right......? hmm well then i worked today and it was soo fun i worked with ash and britt and we all sang and danced and had fuckin fight with the sauses lol yea budy lol oh man well this week is gonna be soo tight 2 late starts and a half day wooo hhooooo oh well im gonna goo i think chels is mad at me ..... sorry .. for whatever i did ..
bye..........
kailey
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[19 Feb 2004|03:06pm] |
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tune out |
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~~~~~~ hmm well havnt wrote in here for a while just never had time too b/c my cousin were in town oh yippy oh well shits been going ok... who knows yup well i died my hair it looks way different then before but i like it alot i think i just really needed a change.. well i have been hanging out with chelsea alot latly and well i really missed it... i mean we sumtimes fight and we have r difference but no one understands me like her and we just know eachother... yup well i have been having alot of fun with thatand yea i just hope we dont let what happened all those other times happen agian ... but yup ne ways i swear i met the ugliest guy yesterday and he fuckinm left me at fuzolis lol i guess i had it coming though b/c i was a bitch but fuck he was an ass frist soo its ok to be mean back lol oh well i got home though.. lol oh well yup well a few days ago i hung out with cody and billy that was pretty cool and fun it was nice to see coday angian b/c i havnt really talked to him in a while but yupp hmm dont know what else to write right now soo hmm im gonna go man i have too work soon ahhhhhh!!!!!
<3kailey
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| WHAT did i DO to get TREATED like this? |
[11 Feb 2004|04:19pm] |
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my immortal |
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:'( >>>alright well i never had the chance to right in this yesterday soo im gonna do it right now! alright well yestersay SUCKED i wanted to just die u have no idea soo i was at work right and well it was fun b/c i was working with erynn and lisa the 2 coolest people ever... well any way out of no where i get this text from someone (not gonna say names) and well it asked me about something that happend in my past which hurts me alot! and i didnt say much b/c i didnt want to talk about it and to make a long story short he just kept going on about how he was hearing all this shit from his friends about it and how thats soo messed up and im DIRTY! it made me feel like SHIT and the worst part is that there taking something bad that haunts me and putting it in to something to make me look like a dirty slut! i just dont get how people can do that to someone.. HOW they can try to make ur whole life seem like a waste by saying u did something that wasnt even true! its just sad that they have to make up these lies to compleatly destory one person inside and not even give a FUCK and then be a PUSSY and not even addmitt to saying it.. i never did ne thing to these people to deservie this and what makes it worse is that one of them i had alot of trust in and cared about alot and now i cant even look at they without crying b/c it hurts me to know that they would make shit up without even knowing the real story and go spearding it around and give me a BAD name! in fact none of them even tried to find out the real story.. they just take what they hear and make it even bigger then what it is.. and then spread it around... even if u guys dont care i hope u ALL know what u did to me i hope one day u get to feel the pain that i felt and feel now! everytime u guys hear my name brought up the first thing out of ur mouths is that ONE thing! and if u ever get to feel the pain i do now i hope it FUCKIN hurts u... this is why i never hang out with u guys any more i just cant u all talk to much shit and say to many hurtfull thing and DONT even give a fuck!!! if u hurt someone thats great b/c thats ur fuckin goal right! well all i have to say is FUCK ALL OF U who go around saying that shit and making me feel this fuckin pain!.......
PEACE
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[09 Feb 2004|05:16pm] |
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forget about us >> Tim Mcgraw |
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>>>>>>>oki doki then i dont get why people ASSUME shit its gay... im not mad at this i jush think that people shouldnt say ne thing when they dont know LISA hmm well did i ever say i liked him UMM let me think here NOPE all i said is i dont know hes cool to chill with and thats about it soo if u think i do thats fine but umm writing it in ur journal thing soo everyone can see it and so they can all get ideas in there heads and u dont even think to ask me about it or how i would feel if u put that in there. i think is not right like really i dont care if u think i doo like him thats cool and all b/c maybe i do im not all too sure about how i feel about him but then u go and say shit about it and its not like i really asked u how u felt ne way or wat im going to be getting my self int. I mean its my choice right? maybe hes changed but maybe he hasnt who knows its something i would have to deal with right? not u yea and i highly dought u would be involed with any thing that would happen between us ne way its not like i always go running to u soo umm next time u wanna right about me or write about what u THINK is going on please ask first thats all im trying to get across here thanx much.......... well bye bye
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| WTF?... |
[08 Feb 2004|10:02pm] |
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mood |
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pissed and confused |
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empty apartment>> YELLOWCARD |
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oki doki well i just typed this who thing and it shut it down soo that was gay but now its gonna be hella short..................... but any way ill start over...................
-------- soo about my day well hmm it was an intresting one... i woke up went to work whitch was gay like ALWAYS it was a slow day yippy b/c i hate when were busy...... and not to mention im still sick soo that doesnt help any... then after work i came home did some shit for my dad soo i could go out. Then BRANDON called and we headed over to chels's house and we picked her up went to the mall and chilled there for a while then we ate at toco bell and went back to brandons and chilled there whicth was fun at least for me it was b/c i went threw all his shgit lol it was fun playing with lil cars and then looking at his clothes in the closet which he wont wear and i dont get why some of it is cute lol... well after that we headed out to take chels back to her house but we had time to kill soo we went to get gas at AMPM. then shawn showed up and brandon was talkin TRUCKS with him and what not then jake drove by didnt really think ne thing of it.. but yea soo we left to go drop chels off and out of no where jake shows up and starts to fallow us it was way weird soo we took the long way to chelsea's house thinking he would stop but he didnt soo we droped her off and left but he was still fallowing us for a lil while and the when we got to higley he stoped it was soo weird. but then i went home and soo did brandon... i called jake to see what that was all about and shit and he was like brandon owes me money and shit and now he wants to fight which i thing is gay but whatever guys r gay when it comes to fighting soo yea it was really weird and me and chels were freaked when he was fallowing us .. but weird shit happens i just hope it all blows over b/c it will only lead to worse things...
................... well im off to bed no i have to get up for school abd shit and i get to chill with CHELS and hopefully brandon...... well night night
-kai
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| its been a long DAY! |
[07 Feb 2004|11:24pm] |
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well shit today just sucked really bad!! frist off i woke up sick and i coulnt really breath it sucked but i had to go to work whicth wasnt fun at all... but yea its work and i get paid.... it was alright but the whole feeling like shit part made it suck! but then i came home and shit went even worse.. like 4 different people blew me off wicth i thought was a lil fucked up but hey whatever floats there boat i just dont get why people can just be stairt up and say HEY I DONT WANNA HANG OUT! it would work for me.. but yea and the only person i realy wanted to hang out with ignored me all night and wouldnt answer my calls and i thought that was a lil weird b/c well every thing was cool last night soo who knows i just dont get life its soo fucked up.... then i was just soo confused i started to cry dont really kno what for but i couldnt stop i guess i had a neverous break down thing but i called chels whicth made me feel a whole shit load better its werid how far we have grown but were so much alike it miss it.. i really wish we could be the way we used too b/c it was good then shes the only one who under stands and can help me and she is wat i need right now or shits gonna go bad yup well chels babe i miss ya and plz help with this shit.... hopfully tomorrows better but i have to work soo that sucks!... night night!
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